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Someone once said that a true friend
remembers your birthday, but not your age.
I remember both.
Shouldn't that account for something?

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The most fun part about making
New Year's resolutions is breaking
New Year's resolutions.
Can't wait to mess up with you.

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A diplomat is a man who always
remembers a woman's birthday
but never remembers her age.

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The first mark of ageing appears when
you start forgetting things.
In your case there are no such problems.
You have transcended all the hassles.

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A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking,
but a wise man tells her that her mouth
is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

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I figured out, what's the most difficult thing to do.
I think it's the counting of your wrinkles.
It's impossible to find one.

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Men will spend 2 dollars on a 1 dollar item
that they desperately need.
Women will spend 1 dollar on a 2 dollar item
that they don't need at all.

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The only reason you hate your birthday
is because people give you odd gifts,
scary cards with weird messages in them,
and because you're getting older.
Happy Birthday!

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It's your birthday, and I must say,
you certainly take the cake! And the ice cream.
And all the rest of the snacks.
Slow down and save some for the rest of us!

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Girls have an unfair advantage over men:
if they can't get what they want by being smart,
they can get it by being dumb.

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Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Kim Kardashian,
Beyoncé, George Clooney & ME!
All the famous wish you a very Happy New Year!

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Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes
ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it looks fine.
Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?

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A New Year is the chance to start
over with a clean slate.
Too bad my credit card won't start
over with a blank slate.

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1066, 1492, 1776, and…your birthday?
The good news is that they aren't teaching
the date of your birth in history classes yet.
The bad news is that means I don't have
the date memorized. Happy belated birthday!

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Don't feel uncomfortable about your age.
We will all one day get as old as you are.

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I made you a birthday cake to celebrate,
but I couldn't light the candles.
It turns out the fire department
requires a permit for bonfires.

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New Year's Eve is finally here,
where we can be drunk in public and no one minds.
That's why this is the best holiday.

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You will be a little bit older,
a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.
Happy New Year!

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